DISQUS

RH11 · 5 months ago

I was talking with other gay parents at the swimming pool this morning and they were all as horrified and angry as my partner and I are at the continuing betrayal of the gay community. We aren't A gays, we are more interested in potty training than cocktail parties and we have all spent a lot of time just going about our lives being ordinary taxpaying, and donating citizens. In all honesty I don't think I have even really noticed that I was gay in years (I'm afraid that parent trumps gay in its all-consuming nature and like many, if not all, progressives I have a considerable laundry list of other concerns). This last week has been a wake-up call (the kick in the gut variety). I'm no longer willing to live my life as almost equal (if I keep the ATM open and don't fuss too much). Judging by the anger of the other ordinary people out watching their kids learn to swim I think I have a lot of company. Anything less than full equality is not good enough.

Seansmith · 5 months ago

"It's getting more than a tad offensive that the White House keeps pulling these non-DOMA and non-DADT related bennies out of their hate to woo us back into the fold."

Most accurate typo I've seen in a while.

John Aravosis · 5 months ago

LOL oh god that is good.

nycwill · 5 months ago

Seansmith, wasn't that beautiful? Great catch.
Hey John A., keep kicking ass, but remember to go for a long walk with no cellphone, or take a yoga class or something. We depend on you. Sometimes staying focused means taking a break.

citizen spot · 5 months ago

Best. Typo. Ever!

ScottLanter · 5 months ago

When Obama invites Dan Choi and other glbt military vets (whose careers Obama ended), then gay leaders should go. BUT NEVER BEFORE! Shame on you Joe Solmonese.

rand503 · 5 months ago

That's a great point. Joe should take Dan Choi as his guest, or demand that he be added to the party list before he goes. That would at least make Obama eat a little bit of crow, and it would be a great publicity coup.

But of course, that would require a pair, and Joe doesn't have those.

Vince in Cedar Rapids · 5 months ago

When he apologizes for the words in that brief (something that would cost him no "political capital"), issues a stop-loss on DADT (within his power), and sits down with the congress (that his party controls) and maps out a plan to repeal DOMA and DADT, THEN and ONLY THEN will my trust be restored, and then and only then will my GAYTM be turned back on.

David in Arizona · 5 months ago

Unless Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach, Lt Daniel Choi and 2nd Lieutenant Sandy Tsao are invited to this dinner as guests of the LGBT "Leadershp", then blow off the invite as just another PR stunt. Put protestors outside the White House with signs and banners demanding Obama "End American Apartheid Now!" The sooner this administration gets the message that he Gay ATM is out-of-service and in the shop for a total makeover, the faster "serious discussion" will happen.

Bill_Perdue · 5 months ago

We're in trouble. The LGBT communities face an acute crisis or leadership.

We have plenty of self-appointed, high salaried ‘leaders’ but they’re all blind to any action that can’t be described by the word toady. They’re instruments of the Democratic (sic) and Republican parties masquerading as GLBT activists, apologists for bigotry and blind to the fact that they have zero, nada, zip power in their respective parties. Their wasted efforts to reform their parties and ride the jackass or the mastodon to victory are evidence of a delusional state that would get most people institutionalized.

Every four years they march down the aisle to wed (and later to divorce) the latest version of the lesser evil. They hyped Obama without stint and said he’d our friend. Obama is, if anything, worse than Clinton. He's sliding down the slippery slope to shrubhood.

--------------------

Electoralism hasn’t been a important element in social progress since Lincoln’s reelection in 1864. The proven method of compelling change has been massive, militant movements that utilized mass actions, boycotts, mass education and mass organizing. Electoralism at best is just a tactic to aid those struggles.

That’s was true of the fights of early unions, the suffragists struggles, the rise of the CIO, the “Bring us Home” strike movement of GIs to blocking their deployment to China and the Balkans in 1945 and 46, the civil liberties campaigns challenging McCarthyism, the anti-Vietnam-war movement and the rise of feminism. It was a key element in the strategies of Malcolm X, King, SNCC and the Panthers, north and south. And it’s been, off and on, a vital element in our own movements.

The LGBT communities have no national leadership. The Log Closeteers types and Stoned Democrats are misleaders – they gave us a choice between McCain and Obama and the upshot is a series of heavy defeats from ENDA to Prop 8. These defeats in turn produced a radicalization that’s expressed in dozens of significant demonstrations against Prop 8, plans to undo it, a call for a national March on Washington and the militant Dallas Principles.

We need more. We need a democratically run, nationwide, grass roots activist group combining the militancy of the Dallas Principles, independence from the right centrist bigot parties and a mass action perspective. Creating such a coalition is far and away our most important objective.

lileasy · 5 months ago

I am with you Bill. I always look forward to reading your comments here and on other sites. I expect most of the readers of this blog would agree with you. Our community appears to be all fired up and ready to go. (Perhaps a poor choice of words, given its etymology.) Many of us have already informed the DNC that we will be withholding future support; others have called their representatives; and some will be picketing the DNC fundraiser. I know most of us are more than disappointed in what passes for our sorry "leadership" and most of us would be willing to do more. Problem is, we need to identify the leaders to take us in that direction, to turn theory into practice. There are plenty of pissed off soldiers-in-waiting, all we need are the generals to organize us and coordinate our actions. Grass roots is all well and good, but can have only limited impact. So, when are you, John, Joe, Pam and others (whoever they may be) going to make this happen? With such a great start, (thanks to John and Joe) it sure would be great if we could keep the momentum going.

2patricius2 · 5 months ago

If Obama really wanted to do something, he would announce a stop-loss directive on DADT, announce that he is ordering his Justice Department to stop defending DOMA, and he would call the leaders of our Community and of Congress to the White House for a joint meeting with him to figure out a plan to get DADT and DOMA repealed by the end of this year.

timncguy · 5 months ago

wouldn't it be easier for the white house to just do what we've asked instead of going through all these gyrations to try to soothe us without actually doing anything? They must know this won't work and that it just makes the situation worse.

All these new "little" (very little) gestures they have been making would have been considered a good start if they hadn't made the big DOMA mistake.

But, it's time they admit they made the big DOMA mistake. And, that "little" gestures aren't going to cut it.

It's time for an apology, a stop loss order on DADT and a plan with timetables for repeal of DADT, repeal of DOMA, Hates Crimes and ENDA. IT's time for the fierce advocacy and the bully pulpit to become visible in public.

rand503 · 5 months ago

Totally agree, John. I"ve never been to a White House, and if I were invited by Obama for these purposes, I would decline.

Sure, it's great to be at the world's most exclusive party. You get bragging rights for months on end. But seriously, at some point, you have to put aside your own vanity and do what is right.

psychodrew · 5 months ago

That kind of humility is rare in DC, where it's all about who you know.

Wren Margaret · 5 months ago

This just makes me even madder, if such a thing is possible. If those big "important" gays don't think I won't close my wallet to them too, they better think again. We should ALL give them fair warning. Allow yourself to be schmoozed at your own risk.

ibankerbob · 5 months ago

"I know Jonathan and like Jonathan, but you're witnessing the problem with our community's leadership, first hand. They, and so many of us, have been beaten down for so long, that we expect the beatings. We expect to be treated like second-class citizens. We expect to be slapped in the face and knifed in the back. And like the good beaten spouse, we come back for more because it's all we know, and at least it's something."

John - perfectly stated.

Attention LGBT community...we are NOT characters living in some B-movie parallel universe, always destined to be abused by both political parties.

This isn't 1959. Ross Hunter is not directing this film. None of us are Lana Turner, Sandra Dee, or Anthony Quinn. They don't make DeSoto convertibles any more!

It's time to end "LGBT Beaten Spouse Syndrome". NOW.

revdonnalee · 5 months ago

all of this could be just window dressing to assauge our hurt feelings. No dinners, speeches, luncheons, breakfast', meetings, etc. count any more. The talk has been talked, let's see the walk walked!!!!! Actual action is now needed, and a lot of it. In 1963 JFK was behind the curve on civil rights. I believe today President Obama is behind the curve on GLBT rights.

jpjones · 5 months ago

You're no different from pedophiles and people who commit incest. You're not good enough to risk your life defending our country. Your right to spousal benefits can't be defended because you have no right to marry to begin with. Canapé?

BZ · 5 months ago

I think it's still early day to be adopting a take-no-prisoners attitude toward Obama. While I certainly agree that the DNC should be put on notice that we are not going to passively sit by and allow them to treat us this way, let's not burn all of our bridges. Remeber our objective: getting attention to our legislative priorities such as DOMA, DADT, and ENDA. With this WH meeting and the others this week the Obama administration is offering an olive branch. Let's observe a temporary truce to wait and see what (if anything) comes of these meetings. We'll know by June 29 whether the DOJ is going to change its tack on DOMA, because they have until then to file their brief in the Massachusetts case. Until then, I think we should cool our rhetoric and wait to see whether they're serious.

JamesR · 5 months ago

That is all well and good. Sensible, yet still leaves the residue of the MISTAKES of the past week unaddressed. They were mistakes, and they really do need to be addressed. I realize the President has a lot of issues on his schedule, but when he had said, loudly, in public, on the record and youtube and all, one thing and then DOES another: not good.

I say this as a FRIEND.

Seriously: how many people who have recently typed their venom and anger at Obama here, and proclaimed they won't vote for him in three years, how many would otherwise vote foe a Palin or a Jindal or a Romney or Nosferatu-McCain?? None.

That is NOT the point.

Obama FUCKED UP. Get over it. [He needs to get over it.] - It is possible and it just happened. He is a human being, and made a mistake. A very large hurtful one - hurtful not only to his constituency but to himself politically, and he has been served badly by backward-looking advisers. I do not want the leader of my country to be so weakened - especially when it happens as I personally get the shaft.

We're going to wait as long as we wait anyway. Where's the communication. Where's the outreach. Reaching to the A-Gay just gives the A-Gay an orgasm. Doesn't do anything for you, me, or the issues.

The DOMA brief was fuckingpoisonous and can't be law-nerded away. DADT can be stopped IMMEDIATLY via executive order. We are at WAR, the 101st fighting homophobic keyboardists will just have to get over it. Allaying the Generals' discomfort is worth more than defeating our enemies? I DON'T THINK SO. Me and the majority of the fucking country. These issues have a time factor of precisely NOW.

Political capital is sometimes quite time-sensitive - that is if it is not used it spoils. Badly. Obama's capitol is starting to spoil.

I don't want that.

Does the country really have the luxury of waiting another half month until someone gets serious about these issues to START to realistically address them?

NO.

Steve_in_CNJ · 5 months ago

interesting. maybe the best way to get through to obama is to convince him he is looking backwards. he hates that.

fredndallas · 5 months ago

Public shaming of Obama and highlighting his own dysfunctional personal emotional problem with gay folks. Impact this man's enormous ego and prove up what a hypocritical agenda he is riding.

JamesR · 5 months ago

LOL

Blueflash · 5 months ago

There was a middle way. For example, Obama was at Buchenwald recently. Couldn't he have mentioned that thousands of gays were murdered by the Nazis, because they were gay - just a few words - and that it's never a small matter when bigotry is allowed to fester in a society? Hardly would have been inappropriate. Think what that would have done to allay our anxieties of another betrayal by a Democratic president - to make us feel confident he hadn't tossed us aside. Instead he's utterly terrified, if he mentions us, of Brian William's intoning - Is President Obama headed down the same path as the Clinton administration? Obama's fear of the Pavlovian media in regard to Clinton's initial eff up is out of tune with a society that has changed. He 's brought this gay Democratic rebellion on himself with his timidity and failure to understand that.

fredndallas · 5 months ago

You are so right about Obama not breathing a word about gay folks at Buchenwald. And yet when I posted about that, I got angry responses from gay people saying I was unfairly criticizing Obama -- that he didn't mention the gypsies either and that "people" didn't "know" about the gay prisoners and executions.

Incredible!

Obama, the great professor, the great sophisticate, the great leader, couldn't breathe a word about one aspect of what happens with gay hate. Obama who specifically pledged to be a fierce advocate, use the bully pulpit and lead the way.

It is Obama who has a deep personal emotional dysfunctional problem with gay folks. It is not political. Too much hostility in his actions.

Just like some of the gay folks who had a fit that I would dare criticize him.

We all know what internalized homophobia looks like. Just observe it once again at the big White House "gay party" as our "leaders" file through.

It is a reality we have to face. We have to stage "interventions" with all people so affected.

ScottLanter · 5 months ago

John, good for you for standing on principle. Obama *still* hasn't apologized for calling gay people child rapists, incestuous, and animal sex perverts. He didn't rescind the language but just sent out vague 'concerns'. WTF?!!

We need to see some concrete action on glbt civil rights. For God's sake, the MAJORITY of self-described Conservatives support ending DADT. If Obama won't do anything now, he never will. We can't back down.

devlzadvocate · 5 months ago

I think Miss Manners would agree that, "When a President who compares you to criminals calls, you tell him you have to wash your hair".

Although it would be soooo fun to show up in scag drag. If you are going to be compared to the stereotype, might was well live it for them.

devlzadvocate · 5 months ago

For some reason, I see Rahm Emmanuel behind so much of this facade.

paulied · 5 months ago

I smell a lot of Clintoite 1993 leftovers influencing the policies. But the President picked 'em, he owns 'em.

rextrek1 · 5 months ago

Ive said that - I can just hear Ol Rahm...Mr president..Lets the Faggots agenda go for now.....

TrueBleuCA · 5 months ago

I agree devl. At minimum everyone should take condoms to the party because you know they're gonna get screwed!

Steve_in_CNJ · 5 months ago

how about just a t-shirt that says "ask me about my niece -- i like to fuck her".

JeepTreats · 5 months ago

Good the pressure is working. Let's see how much they love the "Gay Money".

jm · 5 months ago

I've been angry for a while, and I am angry right now. But if this reception is not a fundraiser, I'm not sure it's a bad thing to go and listen to Obama--at least to hear what he says. I know there's a risk that we'll be giving him cover. But I assume that what's been going on the last few months have been one massive cock up after another. I find it offensive and distressing that the administration has thought so little could appease us. But there definitely does seem to be movement in our favor. Do we really want to be on the outs with the administration that is likely to be in power for eight years?

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm pissed, and my guard is up. But I don't think it's sensible to burn our bridges here. I don't believe (or maybe I don't want to believe) Obama hates LGBTs. I'm surprised by how many are assuming the worst. If he's out to screw us, there's not much we can do about it, and by 2012, everyone will know. If he's not out to screw us, but honestly wants to help us, what's wrong with showing that we can both hold his feet to the fire AND help make that change happen?

Boycott the fundraiser. Force them to start acting on their promises to us. But don't make it so grudging that he doesn't want to help us at all.

bobbyjoe · 5 months ago

Is this a "plus-one" party where everyone invited is allowed to bring a guest? 'Cause if so, every single GLBT leader invited should bring as their guest someone who's been dismissed from the military through DADT. And call the press beforehand to talk about what they're doing. The press would eat that up, the leaders could still have their nice old dinner with Obama, and the administration would still face a protest they'd have a hard time dismissing.

usagi · 5 months ago

That's a good one.

John Aravosis · 5 months ago

I don't think he hates us at all. I think he even supports gay marriage. In his heart. But in his heart, I don't think George Bush or a lot of Republicans hate us either. But in practice, they suck. I understand what you're saying, I'm just not sure I want to hear him talk any more. I've heard him talk. He's great. What's he going to say now that's any different than what he promised us the past two years? This time it will be different? I don't want to hear pretty words any more. I want action.

Butch1 · 5 months ago

Agreed. I used to listen to those words and have hope, now, they don't mean very much.

Steve_in_CNJ · 5 months ago

but i would add that bigotry can be subtle. often the bigot is not aware of it.

Butch1 · 5 months ago

How true.

caphillprof · 5 months ago

Obama is a one term president. And the gay betrayal will be the least of his worries. He's not going to deliver on health care, he's not going to reform the banks, the economy is going to get worse, and we'll still have lying, torture and denial of constitutional rights to American citizens. Bush lite will not be re elected.

Gary SF · 5 months ago

I agree with you 100%

evan_la · 5 months ago

Clever. Pushy, but nice. I agree too.

Semantics · 5 months ago

Forget having a party at the White House. To show us he's serious, how about having a kitchen table meeting at Aravosis' home, instead? No to party, but yes to dialogue, and without the razzle dazzle of the White House.

NealB · 5 months ago

A party for size queens; what a surprise.

littlebearnyc · 5 months ago

A party! Lucky us!

douglaswatts · 5 months ago

Everything John A. says is on the mark.

Thanks, John.

Steve_in_CNJ · 5 months ago

DADT is the easiest promise to fulfill. This should become our sina qua non. A specific plan, with names, times and places, or no further accommodation of any kind.

TrueBleuCA · 5 months ago

I am afraid that DADT will be repealed this year. And with that we will have been given our due, in Obama's eyes anyway. The repeal of DOMA will be DEAD after DADT passes!

rand503 · 5 months ago

I disagree. 70% of Americans support repeal of DADT. No one cares about it anymore. At this point, congress and the President are behind the public. Repealing DADT is the low hanging fruit at this point, and he won't cost Obama much political capital. If anything, he will gain some. Then he can go after DOMA.

meileen · 5 months ago

Amazing. Simply. Fu*king. Amazing.

Thanks for the heads up. I hope other blogs follow suit, turning up the heat on our supposed gay leaders. And you're right, I can't see them turning down cocktails when they can actually stand up for equality. Cocktails it will be.

nycwill · 5 months ago

I'm a huge supporter of this blog, and of rallying against the DNC, and I do believe that Obama lied to us, but one thing:

imagine being invited to the White House.
to meet the PRESIDENT. the President who promised us equality.
who knows - maybe something you say in your 15 seconds with him could flip the switch and change his mind and get him to dialogue with us. i imagine that invitees think that's a great way to make change happen. let them, all while outsiders scream for change. maybe we actually do need both sides, the appeasers and the agitators, for this to shake out in our favor.

leliorisen · 5 months ago

Will, I see what you are saying and I have mixed emotions about it myself.

However, do you not think the absolute very least the President should do is to publicly state that the language of the DOMA brief was unnecessarily insulting and dehumanizing to gay Americans and apologize for it.

His silence on that spells arrogance to me, beyond belief.

I will believe in Obama again when I see something substantive.

NealB · 5 months ago

Maybe we just need a President with principles willing to honor his commitments. I'm sure you're kidding when you say "the appeasers and the agitators," as if it's all a stage play, but you sound serious.

nycwill · 5 months ago

I'm extremely serious. Yes, the very least Obama could do is apologize - the fact that he won't makes me ill. In the post above, I was merely thinking out loud about how any civil rights movement needs the insiders AND the outsiders: MLK and the Black Panthers, Mrs. Woodrow Wilson and the ILGWU. It's history.

John Aravosis · 5 months ago

I saw someone raise that point in a comment elsewhere. If he truly didn't believe in the contents of the brief, and truly believed that he had no choice but to defend a law he had once called abhorrent, President Obama would have issued that brief and immediately gone public and repudiated its contents.

For all the crumbs being thrown at us, there hasn't been one mention of an apology, or even an indication that they don't believe what's in the brief.

nycwill · 5 months ago

That's our challenge:
I think Obama is way uncomfortable with gay anything and believes what's in the brief. He's also a brilliant politician who managed to create a wedge issue between the gay Haves and Have-nots. So while we're fighting it out, he can say: hey, once you gays are all on board, I'm good, but until then....
Whether he meant to our not, he created an out for himself.
Also, we can't get to him solely by protesting and shutting down the GayTM, though that is VITAL and is the only reason he's meeting with us next week. There must also and always be people working from the inside. We need to "out" anyone from the gay community willing to appease him, at the same time realizing that they are, from a historical standpoint, quite necessary.
Anger, not hate.

Bruno · 5 months ago

I don't think Obama's uncomfortable with "anything gay" other than what "anything gay" may mean to his standing amongst conservatives and centrists. He and his administration have been trained to think of gay rights as political suicide, even though he managed to work us in just enough during his campaign that we thought he actually meant it all. We just have to drag him kicking and screaming, politically, into the 21st Century is all.

nycwill · 5 months ago

absolutely

meileen · 5 months ago

You're absolutely right - he's working for the conservative vote STILL. It pisses me off that we have to drag his a** into this century, especially after I-O-W-A. I believe the country shifted with that ruling, with fence sitters realizing, "It's only a matter of time." So why can't he stand up for us??

Keith & Dustin · 5 months ago

I live in California and I can't believe Iowa allows gay marriage but we don't. WTF is up with that picture? However, I will always believe that the No on 8 campaign was completely mismanaged. I haven't given anything to Equality California since. Our rights are too important to leave to chance and I felt that's what happened with Prop 8. We should have been organized much better.

Butch1 · 5 months ago

Our so-called self appointed "leaders" of the gay community have gotten too close to the administration and therefore, can not be objective when it comes to making decisions that will help us. I don't think of them as the enemy, just people who have gotten too close to the fire and are singed from it. They do not want to offend the administration and in the process, have lost their cojones for doing battle with them. If we are to remain objective, we need to keep a respectible distance so we can make the decisions we need to win our rights. Going to this photo-op party is a one-way street in favor of Obama and will do nothing to correct the bad decision of the brief but, only take away the focus of it.

When we have a signing ceremony for the repeal of DADT or DOMA, that would be the time to do the important photo-op. At that point, the president will have earned our thanks and our support.

TimF · 5 months ago

Apologize for what? Doing his job as outlined by article 2 of the US constitution?

Even if he did apologize, I am 100% certain that you guys would parse it to no end to find something about it that you don't like...and rip for it.

Since that brief Obama has reiterated that he wants to repeal DOMA - you guys rips him for it.

Since that brief Obama has given you more rights than you had before - albeit trivial, but more...you guys rip him for it.

Since that brief Obama has put together time for him to address your community - you guys rip him for it because it's only 8 minutes. What in the hell would you want a week? Maybe an entire month of nothing but Obama and gay leaders?

He is your friend in this fight. Yes, he does need to constantly hear your voices, but you can't sit there and expect him to fight your fight when he already has 10 others going on.

nycwill · 5 months ago

Please understand, it is quite apparent that the only reason he's moving on any of these pro-gay issues is b/c we threatened to shut down the GayTM. That's it.
I guess when you're a product of the Chicago Machine, you only respond to hard ball. Well, this time, he got the gay version of that.
Look at the last ten days and be honest: do you think for a second he would have made any comment on any gay issue at all if John A and other bloggers and reporters and LGBT activists hadn't raised holy hell?
The ONLY reason Obama has done ANYTHING is b/c the DOMA brief caused an anti-Obama shitstorm and he was forced to show his hand.
THAT'S a civil rights movement, my friend. THAT'S how it's done.

JamesR · 5 months ago

"your community" is OUR community, our shared community of Americans, those who would wish to serve in the military, those who wish for full and equal civil rights under the secular civil law that governs our outrageous never-done-before (enlightened, liberal in fact) 250 year young democratic republic.

"your community" comments really have no place in civil discussion, don't you think?

It's like "you people."

" What in the hell would you want a week? Maybe an entire month of nothing but Obama and gay leaders?"

???

Respect doesn't take a month, it just takes sincerity, action, and a plan [we can believe in.]

I, "We," want some motherfucking respect. Is that simple enough?

Solitary · 5 months ago

What rights did he give us? Did I miss something or are you talking about that pitiful 'memo' that merely made 'mandatory' certain things that were already available by request to federal employees and will evaporate once he is out of office? That effects, what is it 2% of the federal employees are gay and federal employees make up 3% of the population? Oh yea, that gets me all tingly.

Meanwhile, I still can't be out without loosing my job or putting myself in danger, danger that no one in the government is willing to do shit about because I'm queer.

No, Obama is not our friend nor is he our advocate. He is merely another roadblock on the road to equal rights.

Butch1 · 5 months ago

"Even if he did apologize, I am 100% certain that you guys would parse it to no end to find something about it that you don't like...and rip for it."
============================
Let's wait and see how we respond when he apologizes. Until that happens, it's a bit premature to decide what we would do. I will say that it probably is too late if it takes a week or two for Obama to test the direction of the wind to see if the anger will die down or not. Then it wouldn't be sincere but, a calculation.

Butch1 · 5 months ago

This is strictly a photo-op and nothing more.

nycwill · 5 months ago

imagine what a photo-op between MLK and JFK would have accomplished, while thousands marched on washington. we need both. we need everything we can get our hands on.

tom · 5 months ago

Well put John!
As information becomes available, please let us know who's attending so we can begin to pen letters.

BlueJelloElf · 5 months ago

Amazing how they can organize cocktail parties, but they can't seem to find time to come up with a simple apology for the language in the DOMA brief, or a sketch of a plan towards progress on DOMA/DADT/ENDA.

The A-listers need to know we won't stand for this. No gay money to any gay orgs that prop up the DNC's do-nothing policies on LGBT rights!

citizen spot · 5 months ago

I hate to be this cynical, but it seems that some of the A-lister organizations fighting for righteous causes, whether equal rights for GLBT, or pro choice, know that if they succeed in winning their righteous cause, then they will have succeeded in making themselves irrelevant, and eventually unemployed. Hence the foot dragging. That has been my observation.

leliorisen · 5 months ago

In tomorrow's Washington Post, Jonathan Capehart has written a piece called, "For Obama, a Hit and a Miss On Gay Rights." The column is already online.

To get a sense of where Mr. Capehart is coming from, this is how he closes:

"Under normal circumstances, all of this would have been big news in the push for gay and lesbian civil rights. Instead, it has been derided as too little, too late. As if any of this would have happened with Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) in the White House. I'm all for holding an ally's feet to the fire. But to not recognize and celebrate victories, no matter how "small," is maddeningly shortsighted in the long march to full equality.

"If gays and lesbians want big victories, such as the repeal of DOMA and the "don't ask don't tell" policy, they should focus their fire where it belongs: on Congress. Each bill will take 218 votes in the House and 60 in the Senate to reach the president's desk, and the votes aren't there yet. Saying no one is going to hand gay men and lesbians their rights, Berry told me, "We have to get out there and fight and get those votes." That won't be easy. But if last week's announcement is a sign that Obama will be vocal, persistent and public in his support, the fight can be won."
------------------------------
After I responded to the piece, I took a look around and was astounded at the level of anti-gay hatred out there.

For example, among the first few comments I read included this gem:

"This is a great example of the media leading the way to a new morality. Homosexuallity is OK according to this writer. My problem with this is did we have a logical debate? No. The government and media decided for us. That should upset both parties straight or gay."

There was one poster who had me extremely upset because he insinuated that if we are going to be given civil rights and homosexuality is taught as an option there would be an enormous backlash...he implied violence against us.

When I went back that post had been removed. These are scary times.

If you want to check out the story on WaPo and add your 2 cents, the link is:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/ar...

John Aravosis · 5 months ago

Under normal circumstances, a Democratic president in the year 20009, who was himself inter-racial, who won in a landslide, who had a great approval rating, whose party had control over the House and the Senate, wouldn't slowly-slowly start backing away from his commitments to a minority, as if that minority was somehow a diseased pariah. Under normal circumstances, that president wouldn't have compared that minority to incest and pedophilia. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't defend a law that he'd called abhorrent, that he said he'd help repeal. Under normal circumstances, he'd have at least issued a stop-loss order to cease the two-discharges a day that are ruining the lives of patriotic gay service members.

Yes, under normal circumstances, if you give you me a nickel, I'll say thank you. But if you knife in the back and then give me a nickel, don't expect a kiss on the lips.

I know Jonathan and like Jonathan, but you're witnessing the problem with our community's leadership, first hand. They, and so many of us, have been beaten down for so long, that we expect the beatings. We expect to be treated like second-class citizens. We expect to be slapped in the face and knifed in the back. And like the good beaten spouse, we come back for more because it's all we know, and at least it's something.

downtown LA · 5 months ago

What's with calling Obama "inter-racial"? The term is multi-racial. You totally discredit yourself when you can't even refer to people of color correctly.

psychodrew · 5 months ago

Multi-racial? I've heard the term bi-racial. The terminology for race/ethnicity can be tricky. Cut John a break.

leliorisen · 5 months ago

Obviously John meant that Obama was the product of an inter-racial relationship. That part is acceptable linguistically, is it not?

Or are you going to set the Language Police on me as well? (hmmm...should I have used caps???)

Actually, why are you making this about race at all? I know gay people of color who are furious with Obama, as they should be.

John Aravosis · 5 months ago

Yes, I totally discredit myself. I guess I'll go home now and become a steelworker or an artist or a doctor since I'm obviously a bad civil rights activist because I don't know if the term is inter-racial, bi-racial, or multi-racial. And yes, Lelio, product of inter-racial marriage was the point. But for some people, it's more fun to simply get angry.

downtown LA · 5 months ago

John, you may consider my point small and insignificant. But what if a straight ally innocently used the term sexual preference instead of orientation, doesn't that diminish them just a little in your eyes? As a gay person of color reading your site, it just makes me thinks, "okay, John can talk about the LGBT issues from a gay white perspective, but his angle doesn't fully include me." Take it for what it's worth.

Valentinefrey · 5 months ago

I don't think you got his answer. He was writing quickly - his brain combined "product of an inter-racial marriage" and bi-racial. Also inter-racial just doesn't happen to be the right term but it's not incorrect because there's some rancid thought underlying it.

downtown LA · 5 months ago

I'm not the one who introduced race into this discussion. You'll have to ask John why he brought up Obama's racial heritage.

I simply mention the error because I find it ironic when people bring up the fact that since Obama comes from a minority group that he should therefor be more sensitive to LGBT's. But if LGBT's aren't sensitive to other oppressed communities, then we can't expect it in return.

Butch1 · 5 months ago

Between black and white would be either bi-racial or "inter-racial," as in between black and white. Multi-racial may work though multi usually means more than two.

Butch1 · 5 months ago

They must love us or they wouldn't show us any attention. Sad.

Keith & Dustin · 5 months ago

At least for me, I know I will not be giving any more money to any organization that continues to support any administration that does not fight for our rights. Obama could at least issue a statement periodically calling on Congress to repeal DOMA/DADT. He could easily stop the discharges and tell the country it's time to bring our country in line with our allies.

Right now, out of the 5 permanent members of the UN Security Council, our allies, the UK, and France, allow gays to serve openly while our adversaries, China and Russia do not. It more than pisses me off that America, the land of the free, is not in the same court as the UK and France on this. What in the fuck does it take for our politicians to understand they are on the wrong side of this?

bobbyjoe · 5 months ago

That the Washington Post publishes an appeasement piece should be of no surprise to anyone. The Washington Post has decided it no longer needs balance and has decided to go, without apologies, completely right wing. They announced as much by firing Dan Froomkin this week. Why anybody not to the right of Charles Krauthammer would have anything to do with the Washington Post at this point is beyond me. They're starting to make the Washington Times look liberal by contrast.

leliorisen · 5 months ago

During the campaign, Froomkin was daily required reading for me. I actually just learned earlier this evening about the firing. I was totally shocked.

He had one of the best-researched political blogs on the net with White House Watch.

I hope somebody hires him quickly.

Antinous · 5 months ago

Hear Hear, too many of the loudest voices in the Gay and Lesbian community will knell to the President while he ignores the mistreatment of gay Americans. Until the President earns his keep, their mouth need to stay shut and butts need to stay home.

Chris From Maine · 5 months ago

this is a perfect to chance to show Obama you mean business.. the gay community needs to organize a boycott of this "party" and that will really bring attention to your cause.

However the powerful gay people who have already sold out and fight for themselves and no one else, will accept Obama's empty words and gestures, and wont stand up for gay rights.

domino · 5 months ago

For the father's day celebration on the lawn of the White House, BD Wong was invited and showed up. BD is raising a son with his partner. (This was the lunch that Tony Hawk took the opportunity to skateboard down the White House corridor. Shredders celebrated. Right wing bloggers were offended,)

A week ago, this would be a victory. After last week, the question is why did he not boycott.

davefragments · 5 months ago

Go be the squeaky wheel and deliver the message of what you want - repeal of DOMA, federal recognition of gay marriage, and repeal of DADT. Demand it loudly and get all your friends to say the same thing.
You only want three things. That's all. Three things is all anyone remembers.

terrya · 5 months ago

I'm hoping that David Geffen and that crowd hears your message, John. Those will be the people at that dinner.

John Aravosis · 5 months ago

Perhaps, I think it will be political gays.

Semantics · 5 months ago

Without realizing it, more than a week ago, I launched a letter-a-day campaign to the president, via www.whitehouse.gov/contact

I urge all of you to join me. Today's sample:

-------------------------------------------------------
My Own Private Letter of The Day Campaign Continues...

Dear President Obama,

I was dismayed to learn (shout out to John Aravosis) that the White House is planning a big gay party for the end of June. Well, any GLBT "leader" that shows up is no leader of mine. Not now. Not after your Department of Justice's brief in defense of the indefensible "Defense of Marriage Act."

Symbols and appearances matter. I cannot in any universe justify neither throwing nor attending a White House GLBT party, nibbling on petit fors, while GLBT individuals in this country are openly discriminated against every day and denied the same rights and protections of their straight counterparts.

Both hosts and attendees might as well toast, "Let them eat cake!"

Ce n'est-ce pas "change," Mr. President.

Vince in Cedar Rapids · 5 months ago

I thought about doing something like that, but then (only half-joking) started wondering if I would be placed on a no-fly list or something. Remember, Omaba has done an about-face and has followed almost every Bush-era policy that made the Bush-era so bad.

ab33 · 5 months ago

Love your idea! I've been composing a letter a day in my head, just needed a little nudge to follow through!

And THANKS John!

shell · 5 months ago

I am so old, I have seen this time and again -- it will never change. I guess I am wired differently. Your last paragraph is spot on. Some people will sell their souls for an invitation to the White House. For you Christian people: Does the line "... leaders who sell out for a cocktail ..." ring a bell? Remind you of anything? It should.

postdamnit · 5 months ago

Hey, you gay people also got a gay band in the parade! You people with your lifestyle choice are just never satisfied.

Just too pushy really.

Mike_in_the_Tundra · 5 months ago

A list gay? I'm probably a H or K list gay, and I'm POed. My checkbook is closed to the Dems.

Calid · 5 months ago

Conservative republican here /duck /dodge I think you guys are fighting a good fight keep it up!
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. -- P.J. O'Rourke

RyansTake · 5 months ago

Thank you, John, for all the work you're doing. YOU are becoming the real A List leader in our community, because of your truly fierce work, willing to say and do what HRC never could.

I feel like it's bizarro land in all the other blogs I read. The other rank and file readers just don't get it -- and typically demand that I "stop whining." I politely tell that silent bigots to twat off. We will not be kept silent. The days of queers at the back of the bus are over -- we're demanding real action, now.

Wren Margaret · 5 months ago

Yeah, if I had one buck for every time I've been offered those multiple excuses and been told to stop whining I could fly us all to DC for the protest.

I call bullshit. And I kind of feel like I've been woken from a dream. A hazy one where good things were just around the corner. Upon awakening, however, I find a ball of rage in my stomach and a mouth that won't shut up. I don't care anymore. Dems, republicans, they can all bite me. I want equality.

johnnyvenom · 5 months ago

I think a lot of folks are giving up on both parties. I had to attend to attend a family event. Now family is made up mostly Democrats (those who live in Chicago proper) and Republicans. Well a lot of Con-servative relatives have had it with the GOP. When asked why, the two words I got were either incompetent or corrupt. I wonder...are we on the cusp of something here?

mirth · 5 months ago

are we on the cusp of something here?

Yes, I believe we are and I also believe the GLBT community, with civil rights leaders like John Aravosis, are on the point showing ALL of us the way.

johnnyk · 5 months ago

SorryPJ, but you were a helluva lot funnier in your Lampoon days (I never missed an issue). Defending the GOP, the party of Wall Street greed, family values hypocrisy, smug religious condemnations second only to the poison of fundamentalist Islam, is hardly reassuring to those of us betrayed by someone who did NOT use us as a wedge issue tool to keep a medicocrity (the opinion of George Will) like W in the WH.
Conservatives are concerned with human beings from conception to birth, after that we are on our own. And that much I will agree with. GLBT reliance on the DNC has been a mistake. We can only rely on each other.

Indigo · 5 months ago

It's clear that the president's gay friends are on the Aunt Mary list and that's where it's going to settle and that's the end of the story. Ho-hum. As for Aunt Mary, the price for a massage just doubled, hon!

JamesR · 5 months ago

Open bag of catfood, open door for skunks.

WHO are they inviting?

If I were invited I sure as hell would go. Probably would never be invited again....

If they invite the "A-List" - demonstration in Lafayette Park anyone?

Worthless rich Do-NOTHINGS attending an incestuous jack-off cum (sorry, pun) shakedown party, no thanks.

If people who actually DO THINGS and can get things done are invited, then that will tell the tale.

Lambda Legal, Freedom to marry, BLOGGERS [etc., etc.,] - they can get things done.

- Have John and Joe et al received their invites yet?

RichardS · 5 months ago

I absolutely agree with you John. I wonder, would the term 'sycophant' apply? Too rough? After the DOJ brief on DMOA and no apology or explanation from obama, how could these so called 'leaders' attend a white house cocktail party ? If HRC attends (and we'll know who does and who doesn't attend), I will cancel my membership. This is a struggle for equality....how much longer do we have to wait? This schmoozeathon is probably obamas way of trying to kick the can down the road....... get the so called 'leaders' of the gay community to buy in...and maybe..just maybe obama will be able to do something in his second term .. wink ~ wink...... The so called 'leaders' failed to defeat prop H8 in California......... Will they fail again? maybe we do need some new leadership!

paulied · 5 months ago

Remember, the Aunt Marys are only good to the administration when they can deliver the goods. Well guess what, we may not be the A-list queens, but we are "the goods." The HRCs, the GLAADs, the GLADs, and the GLTFs are nobody without our contributions. Sell us out and the contributions dry up, then the invitations stop coming. So, listen up grass-root fags, dykes, and trannies, ball's in our court - pay attention, take names, and donate accordingly!

vkobaya · 5 months ago

It's clear that the purpose is two-fold.

That may be Obama's intention, but it really demonstrates that Obama knows that he "messed" up big time, but being a loser like Bush, not willing to admit the mistake, rather will try to cover, do anything but take the necessary and proper actions. I swear, every day, his skin tone gets paler, and he looks more and more disgusting and more like Bush. My stomach turns at seeing him. Even if he repealed DOMA and DADT, it's too late. There are far too many things that he has betrayed the American people on, including the wiretapping, concealing "state secrets," not ending the criminal, unnecessary war, letting our soldiers die in that needless war, giving trillions to the Wall Streeters, failing to give us real, true healthcare reform, and so many other disgusting issues where we want action by a true liberal leader who works for the American people.

No, I've already turned my back on Obama. If the Republicans put up a decent, intelligent candidate in 2012, they will get my vote, but of course, Palin, Gingrich or Jindal or the idiots they have now will force me to vote 3rd party or for someone like Pat Paulsen, Elmer Fudd, etc.

vkobaya · 5 months ago

Is it me or does the way Obama is behaving stink to high heaven as if he is simply another (racist) sock puppet for someone else. I look at some of the garbage coming out of the White House like his letting Blacks and Hispanics take the blame for the anti-gay rhetoric in the DOJ memo supporting DOMA. Give me a break. That is pure racism. I know Obama was raised by whites, but he has to be more sensitive to racial nuances than that.

I looked up Rahm Emanual in Wikipedia and according to them, Emanual has a 100% record of support for the gay community, though it was only on two bills. I dislike him intensely and think he is unreliable, will happily toss anyone under the bus for political gain. What is Emanual's record on racism. Trouble is, if they are trying to convince Republicans they are bipartisan by selling out the liberal agenda, kissing their asses by selling out the entire Democratic agenda, nothing will ever convince the Republicans to play ball. So far, who, just Specter has been anything like reasonable and the truth is, Republican stupidity rather than any Democratic reasonableness forced Specter to jump parties.

fredndallas · 5 months ago

I agree completely, but painful though it is, I feel like we must stick with the Democratic Party, because nothing else will work in reality.

So we must figure a way to get the party to be representative of the people.

Republicans have sold their soul to the hateful and the greedy. There is no going back. 3rd parties only elect Republicans.

kugelschreiber · 5 months ago

Seems to be a lot of people claiming to speak for "the community".

jasonut29 · 5 months ago

I'm actually not sure that we have anyone speaking or claiming to speak for "the community" right now. We need someone that will and isn't a coward while they do it. Anybody that shows up for the party at the White House better walk out with something in the their hands for the community or yes I would hope they aren't leaders for long!!

TrueBleuCA · 5 months ago

UNSUBSCRIBE! to all the groups who violate their responsibility to their members. After the proposition H8 campaign failure and the lawyer fiasco in front of the supremes, I am not sure we are getting the best bang for our buck anyway. Sounds like it is time for a little housecleaning for these groups.

No wine and dine for us, they're just gonna throw us off the bus!

Call and quit, unsubscribe and tell 'em why, it's all about the money anyway!

zardoz111 · 5 months ago

My friends could this be a set up by Obama to have us do our self's in? We bitch and whine he tosses us a few bones. We seem ungrateful and the country turns on us.
Be careful what you wish for. Classic Obama... ie see how well the republicans are doing.

Blueflash · 5 months ago

Don't worry about the country turning on us. That's what our opponents want us to do - in order to get us to shut up. The structures that kept homophobia in place have been undone and barring some total economic collapse they won't be put up again.

ScottLanter · 5 months ago

"Don't worry about the country turning on us. That's what our opponents want us to do"

Exactly! You can't stop demanding equal rights because someone might be offended. Being tentative like that is what got us into this problem.

zardoz111 · 5 months ago

Wow so prop 8 isn't a homophobia structure? in California of all places. The rise in hate crimes on gays isn't a homophobia structure? really. In my eyes it is all very fragile and could collapse in an instance. I'm just saying if there offering it might be wise to be a little open and not to hard nose. We do not have to roll over but we also do not have to be big bunch of whiners.

Blueflash · 5 months ago

We lost Prop 8 by a whopping 2.8%, despite every tried and true Christofascist scare tactic thrown at us and a gay leadership who were so dim as to be caught off guard by it. By the way, California's central valley is one of the most rabidly right-wing places in the country. Passion matters and we didn't have enough of it in California last November, seemingly because of so many young gays ensconced in accepting communities who don't know our history or the wider intolerant society beyond. Now they know. Anyway, to call us whiners at this late date - 40 years after the Stonewall Rebellion - when we've gotten nowhere in Washington and the majority of states suggests to me that you're exactly the kind who let Prop 8 happen.

ScottLanter · 5 months ago

If African-Americans had been called the n-word, child rapists, incest pigs, and beasteality freaks by the President ... I'm pretty sure they would be doing a lot more than whining.

davidinchelseama · 5 months ago

We need to flood the White House with phone calls and emails about how disappointed, hurt and angry we are that this horrific DOMA brief was filed.


http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/

zardoz111 · 5 months ago

Obama is a player! he did not want to deal with the gays until after health care was done or maybe never. But some staffer (on purpose) puts out a brief (insert bad stuff) and Obama for some reason wink wink does not want to back off the (bad stuff). Gays go nuts. Obama starts tossing bones (spouse benefits, parties, special meetings) The gays go give us more please, it's not enough. Obama does one of his big pretty worded speeches (I gave em all this stuff and i'm going to give them more really) and there so ungrateful. I hope I'm wrong but forgive me for not being so trusting. We have all be played for so long it is getting old. Is there some way we could be smarter about this. Lets put our heads together so we don't get played.

douglaswatts · 5 months ago

Thank you John A., your comments and insight are prescient.

Please keep up the excellent work.

leecoleman · 5 months ago

John's premise is that since we (GLBT community) aren't getting anything from Obama and Holder, our leaders should spurn social contact with Obama. This premise may not be well founded -- to say the least.

How do we know what's going on behind the scenes? We don't.

Is there anything we should be demanding as a "down payment" or "good faith gesture"? Oh, yes indeed. For those fired by our military, the least Obama can do is offer consultant jobs at way more than the military pay in the Pentagon or in the military branches they served in. Or the President could and should issue stop loss orders in their cases and all future cases.

In the DOMA area, our leaders should be at a champagne social with Obama to demand, one after the other, that the offending brief be withdrawn, that the Obama team get together with the Justice team to let the latter know that we do not insult gay people with idiotic, religiously inspired garbage.

And so, with those conditions fully understood by both the President and our leaders, I'd say to John that shooting our leaders in the back is a very unfortunate way to put how he feels. I'd also say that patience and statesmanship ought to prevail over blind petulance.

RichardS · 5 months ago

Giving the 'cocktail party' the benefit of the doubt....... It may be good to wait and see what comes of it. If it's nothing but more of the same..... words no action ....then I think the LGBT community needs to look hard at the supposed gay 'leaders' and call them to task. If HRC can't come away with somrthing concrete...... then maybe we need to withold our donations, as we should with any other gay rights organization that fails to deliver ....... if they squander the access and always come up empty handed....why support them? We need to support organizations that can get the job done. The 'old leadership' lost the california prop H8 battle.... perhaps we need to look to 'new leadership' Just saying....

djreedps · 5 months ago

Remember Condoleeza Rice? When Hurricane Katrina flooded the Gulf Coast and killed many poor African Americans, where was Condi? Buying expensive shoes and seeing a Broadway play.

I don't know of any GLBT people being drowned to death.

But Condoleeza Rice forgot about other people from communities similar to where she or her parents or grandparents lived.

Similarly, any gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender people in positions of prominence who sell out the GLBT community by appearing with President Barack "Backstabber" Obama are forgetting about those of us in the GLBT community who have not made it to the top.

Barney Frank = Condoleeza Rice
Andrew Tobias = Condoleeza Rice
Joe Solmonese = Condoleeza Rice
Tammy Baldwin = Condoleeza Rice

All of those people are gay or lesbian. They were gay or lesbian first, long before they got into politics and lobbying. They are selling out on their community and on their own self-interests. If they won't lead our community, then we must drop them and find new leaders who actually give a damn about GLBT civil rights.

Name · 5 months ago

"any representative of a gay organization attending this event is going to met with a swift community-wide boycott of their organization"

No one will turn down this invitation. There is a huge difference between withholding donations and rejecting a call to meet the President.

psgoodguy · 5 months ago

i would not boycott this event.

i would say the WH has heard our anger loud and clear.

it's an opportunity to begin mending fences and forcing some meaningful dialogue. when you have a fight with someone you don't stay mad forever. you talk about it and try to make things right again.

we're nowhere without the WH and they/we know it. suck it up. go to the party. make something happen.

caphillprof · 5 months ago

Excuse me, but it is the White House that should be mending fences here, not the gay community.

saturniasf · 5 months ago

Get over yourselves!! Perhaps a child without health insurance is more important that my right to get married. Perhaps the family (gay or not) who is trying to figure out how to secure student loans is more important than my right serve in the military. Perhaps trying to address the struggles of North Korea or Iran are more significant than Michelangelo Signorile's wounded and tender ego. Is it possible that my 'single issue' is a lower priority than some of the broader challenges of our time? Or am I just so damn significant that I will not be ignored as I stamp my feet and hold my breath.

wondermann · 5 months ago

I feel you

JamesR · 5 months ago

I feel you too

Yet I find your arguments pathetically bankrupt.

"Perhaps a child without health insurance is more important that my right to get married." PLEASE. That's like saying which hand would you rather cut off, right or left? or which finger, or which limb would you rather amputate, or whether torture is legal and moral if you are just so sure if you did it you could prevent the detonation of a nuclear bomb by coercing a guilty trrorist with it.

These choices are fake and wasteful of mental energy.

And as for "the struggles of North Korea or Iran are more significant than Michelangelo Signorile's wounded and tender ego" - did you have to go there? Is all you listen to so polarized and superficial that you compare these two - like the problematic personality of Signoile represents the whole of the issues and of the reasonable people debating the many sides of the issues?? Versus North Korea? Ego??? It is NOT about ego.

Though I grant Signorile has acquitted himself pretty well in the interviews I have seen regarding this issue, as the 'Mr. Gay Radio' - he really didn't have that much of a job to do but point out the painfully obvious and be familiar with the interview format.

THIS president canNot pull of the refuge that is the assumption he cannot walk and chew gum at the same time.

The argument that Obama has to triage relatively minor civil rights issues with that of north Korean Nuclear activity, and two wars, Iran, and healthcare for the poor childern is a fine fine talking point. [I.E. lie.] It is a line. A synthetic conclusion fabricated by the combined populations of people who like to think they know it all and those who wish to provide their beloved an excuse. By the way - one could just as easily concoct a similar excuse justifying the criticism he is now receiving - that that in itself is also part of some overarching plan of his. That we know nothing about.

If he HAS to wait - let him say it, not his minions and employees nor his fanclub, but him as the boss. Let him say it AND say why, AND let him state his plan which will include a timetable.

Instead of doing this he releases a brief from hell - have you read it? - and refuses to to the bare minimum to alleviate the heartache of the very policies he *said* he thought immoral and wrong and wasteful and PROMISED he would do something about. During the campaign.

He proclaimed a month for gay issues. He has had almost a year to plan. He saw this coming and the issues are NOT that complicated, His party is in the (fucking) majority. Then he takes a big fat steaming shit on our heads.

NOT the type of "Change We Can Believe In" I, at least, was expecting.

It's like if you arrive at a diner late at night, the new cook and staff are weeded, there are a few tables before you, you wouldn't expect a full course dinner right away. However after waiting SIX MONTHS I personally would have expected the waitress to have come to the table and provided water, perhaps bread, taken our drink order and given us an estimate of when we'd likely get our food. I would not have expected her to waltz up, hike her skirt and take a big steaming crap on our table.

Even you would be offended by that I am presuming. If someone said "Get over yourselves!!" you might not appreciate it, eh?

'Wait 'till you get your turn.' ...Until WHEN? Well, NO. these are REAL PEOPLE with REAL problems and rights trod upon.250 + careers destroyed and our national security weakened, not to mention the Federal dollars wasted, HIV+ travelers, same gender partners from different countries separated, Employment non-discrimination that includes the transgendered and Federalizing the prosecution of crimes motivated by homophobic hatred - not to mention the gratuitous shit-on-head / table, kick in nuts, whatever, defense of DOMA outrage.

He gave some nice benefits he could have given anyway, as frankly should have January 21st, as a dog and pony show to make the major mainstream media go away and think it's done and and equalized. Now he threatens to fete gay "leaders" with a cocktail party. WTF? What pass for leaders are pondscum who have coalesced on still water that has not had to really move itself in a long while. Their fame and "influence" will be the first casualties even as they themselves are too rich and bubble-living to be as affected by the injustices they themselves are content to let sit and wait.

Get over ourselves? ?

Congress, the whole of Congress, Republicans and Democrats are a herd animal, mostly disorganized and afraid and leaderless at the moment. They will follow a leader, one who is consistent and provides them cover. If not now - much more difficult in the future. If not now - the same "conventional wisdom" that says "wait" also says he will do in the first year of his second term due to reactionary issues involved with all the various election campaigns. WAIT? I don't think so. Now is the time for LEADERSHIP and ACTION. I know Obama can do it.

And most of the same people who snipe "sit and wait" and lap up and regurgitate incessantly the conventional wisdom will be all for it and defending it like it's their idea.

David · 5 months ago

Funny, everyone that has rights, tells us to move on and stop crying. I would love to segregate them from their posh little world.

DYB · 5 months ago

The White House is doing some serious wheel spinning. And on what planet do they think that throwing a party at the White House is the solution? What idiot at the WH thought this up? When in doubt, throw a party? Jeez!

Joe Solmonese needs to be thrown out of the HRC. He has sold out the gay community for a pat on the head. He's a shameless whore.

Sahar · 5 months ago

I am tired of this crap. I remember Bill Clinton's administration all too well, and I refuse to let another so-called "friend" screw us again. It's time for action: repeal DOMA, pass inclusive ENDA, end DADT. We need to start organizing protests and civil disobedience actions. Withholding money alone is not enough.

Btw, the Obama administration is being really stupid. If they didn't want a repeat of 1993, they should have just gone ahead and acted on gay rights already. It would have totally defused matters. Instead, they have simply made things worse for themselves.

DYB · 5 months ago

Okay, I'm reading these comments and...ugh.

"The President has a lot on his plate." - Yeah, no shit. And yet the President and "his" DOJ found the time in their busy schedule to write a brief where they compared gay marriage to incest and child-rapists. They had time for that!

"Let's wait and see. This party could be a good opportunity. Don't turn your back on the WH." - I'd like to know what exactly your breaking point is. You're telling us to give Obama a chance. Another one? How many chances do you think Obama and the DNC deserve? We didn't start asking for our rights last month! So how much longer are you willing to wait? Another month? Another year? Another decade? What's your final straw? And if this Administration and the DNC throw the book at you now - and you keep attending their parties because they go to the trouble of inviting you - why won't they keep throwing the book at you again and again and again...?

DYB · 5 months ago

Blaming Bill Clinton for DOMA and DADT is why the movement has stalled. While the gay community blames Bill Clinton they forgot that *Congress* wrote the laws and passed them. Have you looked at the vote on DOMA? It passed with overwhelming, veto-proof majorities in both Houses. Senate passed it with 85 Yeas. That's a lot of Democrats - many of whom are still in Congress - voting for it. DADT came to us courtesy of Colin Powell and Sam Nunn (D-GA) who was leading a Congressional revolt of Democrats against Clinton's attempt to lift the ban. Bill Clinton was and remains the scape-goat and you took your eyes off the real culprits.

And let us also not forget that when Clinton tried to repeal ban on gays in the military public support for the repeal was around 40% . Today the majority of the public supports the lift, including the majority of conservatives! Repealing ban on gays serving openly in the military is not an act of courage anymore. Majority of conservatives and church-goers support it also.

saturniasf · 5 months ago

YOU WROTE: "Perhaps a child without health insurance is more important that my right to get married." .... These choices are either fake and wasteful of mental energy."

ME: If these are fake choices....given the options, which would you choose. It is easy for me. I have lived happiy for a long time with out getting married. The ill child may not last months without medication.

Any process of transformation requires a thoughtful system of prioritization. It helps to have a broader view of the challenges and timelines. Granted I would like to see that timeline and full plan, but I am not counting on Obama sharing it with me or the opposition. But I trust that the Obama team has a clear eye on their system of pushs and pulls.

Are you old enough to remember the effects of the Cliniton's buckling to the demands of Mixner et al in '94 to make 'gays in the military' an out-the-door issue. It was the wrong timing and wrong priority. Clinton took a stomping. The move seriously damaged Clinton for months, damaged other legislative efforts and damaged the White Houses' relationship with the gay community. Why do we want to repeat this?

YOU WROTE: "It is NOT about ego."

ME: During my time working in Washington and with the LGBT glitterati, power brokers and wannabe, I saw amazing displays of selfishness, compassion, supportive and endless hard work to do the right thing. Many long days and night are spent to make change happen in a healthy constructive way. BUT, this is Washington after all .

(I'd wager that after a few months in DC even Mother Teresa would be showing up at White House receptions in an Armani habit with 6 " heals and complaining that the shrimps are fried and not steamed, industrial and not free ranging ...then she would say sotto voce that these choices reflected some political agenda on the part of the host. Then she would have to share the rumor with Michelangelo Signorile that the nun, "yes the one over there sucking up to Elizabeth Birch... has been know to fly....Need I say more Michael....you need to bring her down to the earth."

I agree that Obama should provide a plan and timeline to the community. And I am assuming that he is not inviting them for a cocktail party because he thinks the topic won't come up. He knows it will come up in the context of semi-casual conversation. If you watch how he works.....the social event is the 1st casual outreach to the other party. Here he and his team can get a better understanding of the issues and players without the formality of the roundtable or briefing documents. He will also identify the people that he thinks he can work with.....and those that he will sideline.

I admire your laser focus on these issues and your energy to address them. What I don't understand from the rest of your writing is --what does this anger and frustration get you? How does it serve you?

YOU WROTE: Even you would be offended by that I am presuming. If someone said "Get over yourselves!!" you might not appreciate it, eh?

ME: It can be a shock to the ego but I really don't mind being told to "get per myself." It is easy for me to forget that there are people and issues and horrors and joys that far transcend "myself." If I stay stuck inside this body, this house, this community that i call "mine", I am missing so much. I work daily to 'get over myself' and to see the world through other eyes. Hopefully, it allows my to see others with a little more compassion. It allows me to feel that my needs may not automatically supersede others. This doesn't mean that I let go of the changes and growth that i think would make our world a better place....but by 'getting over myself" just a little bit I can add more diversity and strength to my mission. I wish the same for you.

Studied patience is not the same as "sitting and waiting". Active listening is not the same as "lapping up" conventional wisdom. Polemic screeds or speeches are not the same as making change happen.

With unity and compassion

DYB · 5 months ago

You are correct when you write that early 1990s were a dangerous time to take on the issue of gays in the military. The fact that Clinton did it - and took a serious beating from proponents of the ban for trying to lift it and opponents of the ban for not succeeding - is only to Clinton's credit. But this is no longer the 1990s. The majority of the public now supports gays serving openly in the military. That includes conservatives and church goers. The majority of them support repealing DADT. Why isn't the Administration and Congress repealing it? It is no longer an act of courage on their part to do it. Again, the majority of the public - liberal and conservative - supports a repeal of DADT. Why hasn't it happened???

And you never said what your breaking point is. At what point do you say "enough is enough." Obviously you're ok with sitting and waiting and praying. So when will it not be enough?

saturniasf · 5 months ago

I never said a word about praying. And perhaps you missed my point that sitting and listening can make as much change happen as storming the barracades or trashing our allies with the same brushh that we use on enemies. Ask Ghandi or Nelson or MKL. Consider broadening your toolbox, my friend. To my way of thinking rage is the weapon of the weak. I want us to get smarter not stronger.

DYB · 5 months ago

"Praying" was a reference to a song where the line is "Sitting and waiting and praying." It's not important.

You can sit there at the White House and listen until the Administration is blue in the face from giving you their talking points. The problem is we've been talking for a very long time now and nobody is listening to us. MLK did a lot more than "listen." Ditto Ghandi. And the reality remains that repealing DADT is no longer a big political risk. Majority of the public supports it. And yet it's not happening. Gates has already said it was off the table. Reid said he wants Obama to deal with it. Obama said he can't do anything about it. What are we listening for exactly? More excuses and reasons why we should continue to wait. And wait. And wait. While they take our money and energy and fill their own pockets.

JamesR · 5 months ago

[I wrote that about the wastefulness of mental energy, and the fakeness of the choices.]

Certainly waiting is involved, and I granted the greater importance of other issues, like the proverbial dying child. Yet this goes only so far. SIX MONTHS in, no plan and timetable, no communication and a shit on the head, what is a healthy non-co-dependant person going to think and what is the healthy emotional response?

'Getting over ourselves' is not it.

After the discharge of 250 + servicemembers IN TIME OF WAR after campaigning to stop it, (which I posit IS more important, each one, than a student seeking a loan,) the DOMA heinousness, etc., um, has it occurred to you that in fact we HAVE received what we were waiting for?

I don't think so, but since I have no tangible reason to believe otherwise I must act. Note I say "I" have not received a reason. I do not speak through proxies such as Elizabeth Birch, the hack Signorile, I can be reached easily by public address consisting of a concrete plan and re-dedication, apology, and action, a white house executive order of stop-loss, etc.

I canNot be reached through an expensive party of the self-annointed, no matter how hard they work or what they think they are doing.

It has moved beyond that. The fact you grant he is making "the 1st casual outreach to the other party" (and you perceive he thinks of us as an 'other party,') is FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS. If you think it through.

Campaign PROMISES. EASY issues. Sure there may not be bills in the hopper with votes, yet - but SILENCE and NO ACTION followed by the defense of DOMA brief, WTF? This has morphed from being just a 'single issue' "gay" problem to an overall Administration problem if this is how they deal with, for sake of simplicity I will just use the word, MISTAKES. - Bad. - It makes the White House look weak, stupid, duplicitous, and now manipulatable no matter how it's parsed. And all this could have been avoidable so it PROVES they had no on working on any of this ALL THIS TIME or they would have given a shit. (Instead of taking one on us.)

How does anger serve?

Grasshopper, grasshopper grasshopper...

Firstly it proves you are capable of feeling when you are being or have been screwed. Second it proves you have the personal self-esteem to not have buried it under a pile of guilt for feeling it, and it promises that you have the capability of expressing it and using the energy to change something. If nothing else you can change what you keep in your head, get rid of the debris. If you have worked so hard in the past, kept all those details about all those fights, fine. But are you investing any energy in them? Why? If they did not work perhaps another approach would be more fulfilling. Anger can FOCUS the mind - that is one of it's functions, if it is not repressed and held too long. Gay "leaders?" there are a few. Far fewer than who say they are or who are lauded or feted at the White House. Suppressing one's own power and energy, and anger, and waiting for others to carry your water is a recipe for bitter disappointment. [Apologies to Gridlock.]

There is a difference between a Zen-like getting over the stricture of ego, and the proper use of the ego the universe had the sense to give you for whatever reason. There is a purpose for the experience of anger at times, a good one. There can be - I think this is one of those times. "getting over" it is more often unhealthy repression, for most.

As for what can actually be done - during the Bush era, studied waiting, until regime change, was unfortunately just about the only option on most issues. This President and power structure surrounding him is quite different. I do not think waiting will be effective - for reasons posted by me and countless others in all these related threads, find them, read them - we snooze we loose.

'Getting over it' personally, for you, might be the best way for you to deal with it. A more Eastern ego-less way I suppose. Telling others to get over it is something else entirely I hope you can see - it is using ego to tell others what to do. Quite non-Eastern. Rather bad-Western. Understand?

Nobody likes to be told what to do, especially when your personal prescription for happiness would be wrong, for them.

Daniel · 5 months ago

Do not forget the Democrat-controlled Congress re-authorized the anti-gay Solomon Amendment that forces colleges to accept military recruiters on campus or else face funding cuts, even when colleges forbid discriminatory groups from coming to their campus.